Try Trust This Week
In this week's episode of the Do I Dare? podcast, we're unpacking the "T" word. Trust! It's the #1 requested topic for the classes and webinars I teach. It's easy to lose and difficult to reclaim. Some offer it freely; others require you to earn it. Regardless of what you think about it ...without it... you're sunk. Work will take longer than necessary. Relationships will forever be on shaky ground. Your goals will be 1/2 achievable and rarely sustainable. Covey's fantastic book The Speed of Trust unpacks this perfectly:
"When trust goes up in a relationship, or on a team, in a company, in an industry, with a client, with a customer—speed goes up with it and cost comes down. Everything happens faster and everything costs less because trust has been established. That's a dividend, a high-trust dividend."
One of my favorite classroom moments happened a couple of years ago between two colleagues who proclaimed very little love or respect for one another. Their gossip wasn't good, as the saying goes. I was brought in by their HR leader to facilitate a team dialogue on performance and to 'get' the team to articulate what they each could do to help elevate their performance. We had just finished a group discussion on Trust with their team of 20. You could cut the the lack-of-trust-tension in the room with a butcher knife. I wasn't having it. I am stubborn and we were heading into a much needed break. If the team didn't begin their deep work now...that session would be nothing more than a catered event with cool music and comfy couches. I summarized the break with a hunch and said "I could be wrong, but I sense this group has some healing to tend to. If you really want to be a high performing team, you will need to do that work first." I then wrote the following on the whiteboard behind me: "Extended Break: 30 minutes (10 min to care for yourself and 20 mins to care for another) Who do you owe an apology to? Whose apology do you need to accept and move on with? Which relationship needs to be repaired (listen, learn, & respond...don't react)? I look forward to hearing of progress made." You could have heard a pin drop. Then I started the break.
After the self-care... wounds started being addressed throughout the room. One pair (mentioned earlier) grabbed a seat in the corner and leaned in. I was a bit nervous for both of them. My intention is to always ensure people walk away with all fingers and toes in tact but in this case I was convinced someone would leave one digit short. The conversation got heated, then settled into some mutual head nodding, and 'sorries' were offered by both sides. They returned to the larger group with their story only to be egged on by the team to 'hug it out' at the end. (Admittedly I use that trick on my kids. A conflict is only truly resolved once a hug gets involved.)
What got unpacked for the next hour was exceptional human behavior. I heard "this has bothered me for years..." "I never thought you really cared about ..." "You always seemed to do your own thing that's why I ..." "I misunderstood your intention and I let too much time pass before clarifying my concern." It might have been a meeting Unicorn, sure, but I considered it the beginning of trust rebuild.
Humans are delicate. Our sense of selves (our ego) tend to get in the way of the best of our intentions. Just when we think we have that darn ego under control, it blurt out a hurtful phrase or wayward eye role. Let's try to do better this week. Who's in?
For more, listen to Episode 5 on the Do I Dare? Podcast.
