A Fight for the Floor (and Other Conference Room Sports…)
It’s the weekly team meeting and you’ve lost count (…yes, you’re now counting) of the number of times your colleague has interrupted, cut someone off, or simply steam rolled their way to sheer vocal domination. The problem isn’t that chatty Cathy or verbose Vince has nothing good to say. The problem is that their incessant need to offer their point of view invalidates the contributions of rest of the team, leaving them frustrated and at times insulted. We’ve all experienced the Monologuer who drones on and on, the Dominator who verbally pats you on the head and basically states “I’ll take it from here,” or the Power Positioner who starts with “what they are trying to say is…“. [sigh) What is an exhausted, beaten down colleague to do? How can you get your voice heard without fighting for the floor?
If you’re expecting your teammate to notice that they are consuming all of the oxygen in the room, you are in for a long wait, my Friend. As challenging as it will be to address, staying silent, withholding your important opinions, or stopping mid sentence when Joe interjects and takes over will simply give Joe a license to shrill. Silence or ignoring someone’s lack of silence is bad for you and them. This is clearly impacting the group dynamic, your ability to insert meaningful intel, and Joes’ self-awareness. This team member needs both the skill to self-monitor and the ability to differentiate between a quality and a quantity contribution.
Are you tempted to blurt out, “Do you have an off button?” If you answered yes, you get points for honesty, but unfortunately this is a case of two fouls offsetting each other. This comment fails because your goal isn’t to shut this coworker up or down. Your goal is to call attention to their monopolizing tendencies, and that, my friend, will take more than a sassy retort.
Sometimes “interrupting” can be viewed as a positive contribution; like when you are showing passion or agreement. Often times, however, it’s just an unmonitored human clamoring for power… and that ain’t right.
Research has shown that men and women approach speaking with different aims: men speak to achieve power and status, women speak to forge connection. In conversation, men will interrupt to assert dominance, while women will hold back to preserve relationships. Be aware of the dynamics but hold colleagues accountable for a healthy and productive team interaction.
A less direct, but impactful strategy is to share these examples with your colleague in private:
This is what I experienced in yesterday’s meeting (and the meeting before that, and the meeting before that…)
This is how that made me feel (or the impact that it had…)
Is that what you intended?
Explain, that although you were directly impacted by the examples you shared, his inability to self monitor might be impacting his brand as well. You sense that room fills with “noisy eyes” when his interruptions disrupt the flow. Encourage him to get more data on how he is perceived by checking in with a few more people. State that you are willing to help and support him in future meetings (but he must be willing to accept the help.)
To help set expectations for all contributions during the meeting, try these techniques:
1.Set rules of engagement at the beginning.
“To ensure that all voices are heard in our meetings, let’s be mindful of:
letting people finish their statements without interruption
balancing our contributions with those who have not offered theirs yet
ensuring that all voices are heard before a decision is made.”
2. Manage the interruptions as they happen:
“One second Sara, I’m not quite done.”
“Jerry, you can have the floor as soon as I’ve finished.”
“Monique, let Sheris complete her thought before we hear yours.”
“Carol, you’ve shared some great ideas. Let’s now hear from…”
3. Be a champion (aka Leader) for others in the room. This is where “When you see something, say something” becomes a power move for you!
These retorts convey that control and self-monitoring is an important part of your team dynamic. Setting a clear expectations that meeting time is limited and that time must be shared will help prevent the imbalance of one team member’s tendency to monopolize.
“It turns out that how we perceive an interruption varies based on a number of factors – and that not all interruptions are created equal. Can we address them, and regain the floor? Absolutely. But first, it helps to understand who interrupts and why.”
Sarah Neville, Director, Open Line
How to Take Control When You’re Interrupted in Meetings
“[ ] a University of Baltimore study with more than 100 participants found that when a senior manager interrupts, people often view it as a sign of strength and assertiveness, whereas a junior colleague who interrupts someone at a higher level than them is often presumed to be confrontational, rude, or out of line.”
Harrison Monarth, Executive Coach and Author
How to Manage Interruptions in Meetings, HBR
“To handle interruptions consider:
Letting it go.
Set expectations immediately.
Just keep going.
Ask questions.
Address it head-on.”
Kat Boogaard, Freelance Writer
Five Polite Ways to Deal with People Who Not-So-Politely Interrupt You, The Muse
Don’t stop now! Learn more from a few of our personal favs below:
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