Saying “Not Yet” to a Rising Star
The interviews for a coveted leadership position on your team are complete, and the two finalists are anxiously awaiting your decision. Marty might be in the early stages of her career, but in six short months she's distinguished herself, proving to be a quick study who hits her targets and consistently says yes when the work requires an extra set of hands. Rafael, the front runner, is a seasoned professional with experience leading projects and teams. Rafael’s depth of institutional knowledge and sustained success make him the clear choice. While Marty is rated a “high potential” on track for leadership positions of greater influence, she’s got more to learn. Her time will come, it’s just not today. You’re searching for the words that Marty will hear as a reassurance of a future, versus a rejection in the here and now. Here’s how to say “not yet” to a rising star.
Saying nothing is an obvious no. Your goal here is to be forthright in telling Marty that a more qualified talent received the role and to position the new team member for success. Sharing the news is your job, not HR’s. You are dreading this conversation because Marty has quickly become a favorite around the office. Telling Marty she didn’t get the role should be done as soon as you get a solid “yes” from Rafael. Marty is ambitious and talented. Worst case scenario? Marty starts browsing LinkedIn for greener pastures. You can’t control that, but you can control how you deliver the news. Focus on her potential, the development needed, and your willingness to help her achieve her work goals. Give Marty the clarity and respect she deserves.
Equally unhelpful is a vacuous and vague explanation such as, “Rafael is just the stronger candidate.” Thanks Captain Obvious! Strong candidates get promoted? Shocker! Okay, all sarcasm aside, one can assume that Rafael got the promotion because he’s the better fit, but what exactly gave him the competitive edge? This broad response might get you out of the conversation quickly, but speed is not what is most needed here. Ambiguity doesn’t help the runner-up understand why they fell short. An equally opaque response, “You just aren’t ready yet.” is the workplace equivalent of shaking a Magic 8-Ball and getting “Ask again later.” This non-answer suggests that earning a promotion with this organization is a mysterious riddle instead of an attainable goal with a clearly structured roadmap to advancement. Anyone as sharp as Marty will see this for the cop out that it is and waste no time finding their own “better fit.”
You want Marty to feel valued and optimistic about her future at the company. You want her to know that you are a sponsor of her talent and will help her in her career quests. You intend to deliver a message that leaves her feeling encouraged about her future at the company. You know this will be a difficult conversation so you take an extra 10-15 minutes to consider your intention and plan your words (transparent, encouraging, focus on development.) The message is “not yet” vs. “not ever.” Schedule ample time for an uninterrupted, meaningful discussion. Consider the desired outcome and the optimal approach to get there. Regardless of the reaction, approaching with respect and thoughtfulness is the ideal way to go. To get the words that work for you, mix and match the suggested verbiage below:
1) Clearly state your decision:
“Marty, you didn’t get the job. I offered the role to Rafael. His experience with [leading cross-functional teams] and [managing budgets] made him the stronger candidate. While you have worked on a couple of critical projects and have some experience providing leadership to your peers, a bit more time demonstrating leadership will make you ready for your next leap. I want to be clear, this does not reflect on your potential. Rather, it speaks to your current readiness.”
"Marty, I know you’ve been patiently waiting for an update. I’ve offered Rafael the job. He’s got a proven track record with [strategic initiatives] and the [overall management] skills we need in this role. You are a rising star. More experience and development in critical areas would position you well for future opportunities.”
“Rafael's overall experience gave him a significant edge. He will be taking on the new role. Know that this is a message of “not yet” vs. “not ever.” I see your potential and want to invest in your development.”
2) Listen & support:
“Take a few moments to process, and feel free to ask me any questions about my decision or next steps.”
"I know this isn't the outcome you were hoping for, but I'm here to listen and support you."
"I value your ambition and commitment to our team. Please don't hesitate to share your thoughts or concerns."
3) Discuss next steps:
“If you are interested, I’d like us to map out a plan that prepares you for the next opportunity. Based on this feedback and your last performance review, please draft a development plan that highlights the 3-5 skills or behaviors you would like to build over the next 6-12 months. I will help you find ways to build those skills and demonstrate your leadership.”
“If you’re interested, I’ve explored a few stretch opportunities to get you ready for the next opportunity. Let’s discuss them at our next 1:1.”
“Let’s schedule some time to discuss your career in more depth, including the type of work you are interested in and possible growth opportunities.”
To kick off development planning, ask coaching questions:
“In thinking about your next role, which skills might you need to strengthen prior to applying for that role?”
“Which other roles might be of interest to you?
“What 3 development areas would get you closer to that next role?”
“What are you reading? Watching? Listening to? Engaged in?
“How can I support you in your growth and development?”
The final word
Is it possible that even after delivering disappointing news in a practically perfect way that Marty (and other rising stars) will still feel let down? Maybe. That comes with taking risks and putting oneself out there. It’s likely that this isn’t their first “not yet” and with your mentorship and support, they will dust themselves off and embrace the energy of “I’ve got next.”
“[Telling someone they didn’t get the promotion] is not the time for a development conversation. You want to avoid giving the person negative feedback about shortcomings or deficiencies — particularly feedback they’ve never heard before.”
Joseph Weintraub, professor of management, Babson College; coauthor, The Coaching Manager: Developing Top Talent in Business
“When it’s all said and done, make a point to circle back with the individual a week later — whether it is coffee or a quick meeting — to see how things are going. You may have committed to providing additional training and development opportunities or have information to provide on obtaining certifications. Even in the absence of those, it is a great time to reaffirm that the employee is a valuable team member.”
Mariah Collins, HR consultant, Axcet HR Solutions
“While it may feel like it is a nice gesture or will make the conversation easier by making statements like ‘You will get the next promotion’ or ‘I know a new position is opening up in a few months that you would be perfect for’ this is not a good path to take. Unless you are 100% certain this candidate will get these positions that do not currently exist, do not mention them. Unfulfilled promises will only erode trust and can result in employee turnover.”
Regina Dyerly, partner/COO, Vida HR
Don’t stop now! Learn more from a few of our personal fav resources below:
Disclosure: The resources shared and listed by KKL & Co. are those that have been evaluated to be of high value to our leaders. We are proud affiliates for some of these resources, meaning if you click a link and make a purchase, we earn a nominal commission at no extra cost to you. Please don’t spend any money on these resources unless you believe they will help you become a better human.
